


Catchphrase

by chairchair



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pail Withholding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 01:58:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chairchair/pseuds/chairchair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sollux finds some human "biblical transcripts" about the trolls, tricks Karkat into coming to his hive, and plays a little game that involves Karkat saying a certain word he encountered in his readings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catchphrase

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this fic in a fit of early morning stupidity, found it too hilarious to pass on, and was consequently compelled to write it. Turned out more porny and less silly than I'd originally expected.
> 
> (Who am I kidding, it's still pretty silly)

TA: kk  
TA: p2222t  
TA: kk  
CG: CHRIST DOES YOUR TEXT QUIRK MAKE SOME WORDS LOOK LIKE UTTER VOMIT.  
TA: ehehehe  
CG: WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT I'M BUSY.  
TA: ju2t get over two my hiive  
CG: WHY  
TA: iit2 a 2ecret  
CG: ...GODDAMMIT.  


\---

When you enter Sollux's hive, it's completely and utterly pitch black. "Sollux? What the fuck, why is it so nooksplitting dark in here?" You grope blindly along the wall for the light. "Are you even home? What the hell did you even--"

"Hi, kk."

"FUCKING SHIT." Sollux's hand is suddenly on your shoulder, his last words whispered directly into your ear.

"Let's play a game," he lisps with glee. You stare at him for a moment. Or, at least, you attempt to look in his general direction, since it's still dark as all hell and your eyes haven't finished adjusting.

"...You just called me over here because you were bored, didn't you?" you say finally with disbelief. "Is your fucking code compiling again?" There's a silence.

"Maybe."

You huff with exasperation, even while his hand is still clamped tight on your shoulder. "You are so disgustingly hateful, I can't even believe you. We're not exactly next-door neighbors, you know. And why is it so fucking dark in--SOLLUX WHY ARE YOU NAKED." You can finally see well enough to make out Sollux's general shape, but you suddenly wish you can't.

"I'm not naked. I'm wearing socks."

"Oh well thank god for that! He's wearing socks! My fragile heart is now calmed! Call off the ambulance!" You rub your eyes, willing your night vision to go away. False alarm. Let's be blind again. Blind is definitely better.

"Stop freaking out, kk. You're getting into dangerous territory."

"What do you mean danger-" His hands suddenly slip into your pants. "Dammit I wasn't flirting with you! That was platonic anger, you bulgewipe!" You fail about in a very uncool manner, trying to dislodge him from your back.

"Sure it was. But listen, kk," Sollux says as he maneuvers you onto the floor, deftly shimmying your pants down as he does so. "I've been working with AA to connect to some alternate timelines through my husktop." He palms your now-exposed bulge, and you gasp, all pretense now gone. "I thought I might be able to port over different versions of software to improve what I've got."

"As riveting as this all is, Sollux-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen, you little bulgeslut." You jam your nubby horns at the underside of his chin in response, and he hisses, squeezing your bulge harder. "Anyway..." His breath is growing short, and you can't help but feel smug, considering you haven't really actually done anything to him yet. 'Yet.' Shit. You guess this is a thing that's happening. "Some of our calculations went wrong," Sollux continues breathily, "and I stumbled across a few text files from earth, compiled from some sort of archive of biblical passages, as far as I can tell. Similar to the records of the sufferer. There are even a few about us."

"About...what??" The conversation has taken such a weird turn that your bulge almost retracts with surprise, and you turn to face him.

"Didn't you say we'd be considered gods to the humans?" He shrugs. "It makes sense. A lot of them seem more like fables, a little flowery for my tastes, but that might just be normal for their culture."

"What do they say about me?" you ask, unable to hide the interest from your voice.

"Well..." he gets a mischievous look on his face. "You're very popular in them. In fact, you even have a catchphrase of sorts, that they keep using over and over."

"What is it?" You can't even imagine. Adorabloodthirsty, perhaps? That would be a good one.

"It's..." He stifles a giggle, and you're starting to get a bad feeling about this. "It's 'Fuckass.'"

"....What." It's....what??? "But I've never...I've never said that in my life!" This is a goddamn outrage and you will take none of it.

"I know," Sollux says, snorting. "That's what makes it great."

"But that's so stupid! Are the thinkpans of humans so rotten that they would give me a catchphrase I DON'T EVEN FUCKING SAY??"

"I dunno." Sollux is clearly still amused beyond belief, but begins smoothing his hand across the area around your bulge again, encouraging it to unsheathe. "I think it kind of suits you."

"IT DOESN'T FUCKING SUIT ME AND YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF."

"Ehehe," Sollux snickers quietly. "Come on, kk. Say 'fuckass' for me."

"Fuck you!" You attempt to headbutt him in the chin again, but he deftly avoids you. You can't do much from this angle, and soon you're even more trapped as Sollux wraps both arms around your middle, his nails digging into your sides and tracing faint lines across your skin where your shirt's ridden up. His twin bulges begin to snake around yours, which has re-emerged from its sheath like the utter traitor it is. You hold in a sigh and manage to dislodge one of your arms from where it's pinned against his, and reach up to rub the base of one of his pointed horns, receiving a low, thrumming sound from Sollux in response. One of his bulges trails around the entrance to your nook, causing you to arch your back involuntary.

"Kk..." he breathes.

"Y-yeah?" You're having a little trouble speaking at the moment, as he's just shoved a bulge inside you, making your whole body shudder.

"Say it..." he whispers into your ear. "Say fuckass..." You twist your head towards him, trying to look as irritated as you feel but failing desperately as your face flames with arousal.

"Would you cut that the fuck out?? I told you I wouldn't. Now can you get a bucket over here before--"

"No," Sollux says flatly.

"What do you mean, no." He grabs a bucket with his psionic from god-knows-where, and hovers it just out of reach. You struggle towards it in vain as he thrusts his bulge into you even deeper and scrapes his teeth down the side of your neck.

"Not until you say it," he says, his voice muffled by your shoulder.

"S-stop it...fuck you...I can't last much longer," you manage to get out, rutting against him as you reach forward as for as your position will allow. This, of course, only pushes him further in, which does fuckall to alleviate your problem.

"Let me..." Your face is flushed beyond belief.

"No."

"I...." You struggle further, panting, but Sollux merely grips you tighter and twists tantalizingly inside you.

"No."

His second bulge is pulsing around your own.

"Goddammit!! Fine!" you hiss finally, seconds from breaking. "F-fuckass!" And the pail clatters to the floor and slides into position beneath you just as you hit release, waves shooting through your body as you spill into sweet, cold metal, feeling Sollux snicker against your neck.

"There you go. Now, was that so hard?"

You breath out, long and low, shaking from overexertion. "Fuck you....I'm never...coming to your hive again..." you pant.

"Shut up. You loved it," Sollux says dismissively, releasing you from his grip and running his tongue along a bite on your shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow and we can have another round, yeah?"

You glare at him as you turn to go. "In your dreams, fucka--"

There's a silence, acknowledged only by an angry, speechless flush deep enough to spread to the tips of your ears and a smirk on Sollux's face so wide, it nearly splits in half.

"See you, kk."

"I hate you so much."

"I know."


End file.
